Friday, July 18, 2014

Post Post Post Partum Life

Breathe in. Exhale. Breathe in. Exhale. Wow, I'm back again on my blog. It's been so long. So dusty around here.

It has been quite the journey from pregnancy into motherhood and now into what it means to be a wife. I'm still the same wife in some aspects, but I can tell that my role as a wife has also changed a bit, but for the best.

When I was a newlywed I remember being a bit timid about my new role as a wife. I didn't really claim my place as the woman of the house. I did whatever I thought would please my husband and he would want to please me too, but because I didn't have a sense of my own identity, we would end up arguing about the silliest things. I wanted to do what made him happy and he wanted the same for me and pretty soon we both would get upset because it was a never ending merry-go-round of indecisions. Have you ever been through that with your spouse? Maybe it was just us. Maybe it was just me.

Well, when we found out we were pregnant, my first trimester broke that cycle really quickly. With all the morning, afternoon and evening sickness, fatigue and a strong intolerance of smelly things, I was forced to become more assertive. I think the assertiveness came out of me because I was reliant upon my husband's help. Maybe my timidity was really pridefulness? Or I was just really unsure if anyone would help me because I didn't believe people were that kind. Maybe there was a lot going on with me but being sick and helpless can really change your perspective and attitude. With a growing baby inside of me, relying on me to give it nourishment and a healthy start, I learned to speak up for myself and for my unborn child. I've always admired assertiveness in some women and I can see the benefits of possessing that trait. Being pregnant also created the space for my spouse and me to be gentle, patient and most of all gracious with one another as we began to speak up about what we wanted for the baby and for our future. It was a great training ground for me to break out of my funk and learn to speak up for myself.

So what I'm trying to get at is that I have my pregnancy to thank for adding more dynamic, grace and release to my life as a wife. I've learned to speak up, to not be shy about what I want, never withholding healing words that need to be spoken, to give myself the grace and strength to establish spoken boundaries and trust that it is a good thing. My husband also appreciates my new found assertiveness because it makes his life easier. He doesn't have to always guess what I desire because I now let him know what's on my mind (for the most part, I hope). Happy Friday and have a great weekend!!!!

Thank you Pregnancy for making me bolder! :D